fabulips:

mandragoras:

I brought Marmie in the bathroom and the bathroom scale was scary to her

BIG TAL WABE MAKE ASCARED THINK VR SCAR AWAYT!!!!

fuckyeahthespianpeacock:

saltheria:

yeffyaboyuice:

mythchief:

So there I was, ready to take a shower. I mean, I was dirty, a little greasy, a shower was not such a horrible idea. People take showers, amiright? Of course!
I get naked.
FULL naked.
REAL naked.
I’m talking the exact opposite reason why you ever went to your grandmother’s house.
No cookies. Blatant nudity.
That’s how folks take showers these days, right? Well, I pull back the curtain…
And there it was.
This…thing…sitting on the little soap/shower/pube shelf. Not a care in the world, like it’s been there for years. “What the fuck is that?” I think to myself.
Now, what follows is the exact pattern of thought that took me from rational human being to Sloth in 3.4 seconds.
“Is that a Red Lobster cheesy biscuit? Holy fuck that’s a Red Lobster cheesy biscuit. OMG why would someone leave that unattended. Those things are so delicious. I’m gonna eat the fuck out of it. Man, I can’t wait to see whoever left it’s face when they come back to find that someone ate their cheesy biscuit’s fuck. Ohhh boy.”
Then my brain sent a message to my arm that said, “Reach for that cheesy biscuit, bitch. WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR!?”
As you must already know, we are all contractually bound to make a dickload of mistakes throughout our lifetime. Some of those mistakes are so big that they forever hinder our world and warrant entire chapters in our children’s history books. However, most mistakes have the dubious providence of merely haunting one’s soul and festering amidst the subconscious for always and eternity.
This was, nearly, one of those.
If my adjacency to failure could be measured, the only possible unit of measurement to appropriate it would be “baby condoms”. And no, I do not mean those horrendous papoose-like titty-cribs that the slovenly carriage their spawn around in in Wal-Mart, I mean condoms that a baby would wear.
My adjacency to failure was roughly 1 and a half Kiddie Trojans.
I’m not sure what stopped me, be it cosmic or supernatural, but it gave my brain just enough time to ask itself some rather important questions regarding this little tub treasure. Questions like:
“WHO, THE FUCK, WOULD LEAVE A CHEESY BISCUIT IN MY SHOWER?!”
And inquiries such as:
“AND WHY WERE YOU GOING TO EAT IT, MORON?!”
Seriously, was I so hungry that I would wantonly disobey all the integral conditioning and survival imprinting my parents bestowed upon me like the ever important, “Um, don’t eat that biscuit, you don’t know where it’s been or whose it is and also you found it in the shower.” in order to satisfy something so benign as a munchie?
That, I’m sorry to say, was pretty much my reality.
An early morning introspective psychological evaluation of a sad, hungry, naked man who almost ate a bar of soap.

OMG ITS BACK

This shit needs to be published.

This is going in the monologue section and I’m not even sorry.

fuckyeahthespianpeacock:

saltheria:

yeffyaboyuice:

mythchief:

So there I was, ready to take a shower. I mean, I was dirty, a little greasy, a shower was not such a horrible idea. People take showers, amiright? Of course!

I get naked.

FULL naked.

REAL naked.

I’m talking the exact opposite reason why you ever went to your grandmother’s house.

No cookies. Blatant nudity.

That’s how folks take showers these days, right? Well, I pull back the curtain…

And there it was.

This…thing…sitting on the little soap/shower/pube shelf. Not a care in the world, like it’s been there for years. “What the fuck is that?” I think to myself.

Now, what follows is the exact pattern of thought that took me from rational human being to Sloth in 3.4 seconds.

“Is that a Red Lobster cheesy biscuit? Holy fuck that’s a Red Lobster cheesy biscuit. OMG why would someone leave that unattended. Those things are so delicious. I’m gonna eat the fuck out of it. Man, I can’t wait to see whoever left it’s face when they come back to find that someone ate their cheesy biscuit’s fuck. Ohhh boy.”

Then my brain sent a message to my arm that said, “Reach for that cheesy biscuit, bitch. WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR!?”

As you must already know, we are all contractually bound to make a dickload of mistakes throughout our lifetime. Some of those mistakes are so big that they forever hinder our world and warrant entire chapters in our children’s history books. However, most mistakes have the dubious providence of merely haunting one’s soul and festering amidst the subconscious for always and eternity.

This was, nearly, one of those.

If my adjacency to failure could be measured, the only possible unit of measurement to appropriate it would be “baby condoms”. And no, I do not mean those horrendous papoose-like titty-cribs that the slovenly carriage their spawn around in in Wal-Mart, I mean condoms that a baby would wear.

My adjacency to failure was roughly 1 and a half Kiddie Trojans.

I’m not sure what stopped me, be it cosmic or supernatural, but it gave my brain just enough time to ask itself some rather important questions regarding this little tub treasure. Questions like:

“WHO, THE FUCK, WOULD LEAVE A CHEESY BISCUIT IN MY SHOWER?!”

And inquiries such as:

“AND WHY WERE YOU GOING TO EAT IT, MORON?!”

Seriously, was I so hungry that I would wantonly disobey all the integral conditioning and survival imprinting my parents bestowed upon me like the ever important, “Um, don’t eat that biscuit, you don’t know where it’s been or whose it is and also you found it in the shower.” in order to satisfy something so benign as a munchie?

That, I’m sorry to say, was pretty much my reality.

An early morning introspective psychological evaluation of a sad, hungry, naked man who almost ate a bar of soap.

OMG ITS BACK

This shit needs to be published.

This is going in the monologue section and I’m not even sorry.

derwhitewolf:

tobiscut:

furriestothefurryless:

karpetsharks-art:

ew gross i drew a personal comic

I relate to this IMMENSELY.

This is correct in every way. This is literally every day of my life.

The feels and relatability just slapped me square in the face.

Played 100,128 times

seventhelement:

scibot9000:

I’ve noticed that the way cr1tikal talks kind of resembles an Aperture Science Personality Core

I GLaDOS-ified his voice from this video and I have to say I think it works (aside from my own lazy editing)

sci you are a beautiful fucking human being

OMG the new slime cubes in the minecraft update are BOUNCY. You can fall from the buildlimit onto them and you don’t die, you just bounce. It’s so much fun.

Played 16,868 times

deathcomes4u:

This is like…. the easiest way to make ambient horror sci-fi film soundscapes.

(Source: yugichrist)

bakascientist:

owldee:

this fucking mentality that you can’t be best friends with your significant other, that romance ruins a friendship, that BOTH FRIENDSHIP AND ROMANCE CANNOT OCCUR SIMULTANEOUSLY kills me like

that’s such a horrible, horrible and unhealthy mentality to have

What the hell is their opinion of a relationship then? I’d have thought that friendship and romance HAD to go hand in hand for it to work? 

thepeacefulknight:

full-autopsy:

thepeacefulknight:

full-autopsy:

full-autopsy:

I freaking love this panel because holy frag, Wing… how strong ARE YOU?!
Though now that I think about it, this does present a magnificent opportunity for an “I trust him as far as I can throw him” joke somewhere.
(And Drift’s adorable little surprise lines. “but you’re tiny HOW DID YOU EVEN…?!!?!”)

#wife-throwing competition

A NEW CHALLENGER APPEARS

I think Wing wins (WOW try typing that five times fast) this one though…

Peanut oh my go d

WAIT WAIT I GOT ONE I GOT ONE


PEANUT

thepeacefulknight:

full-autopsy:

thepeacefulknight:

full-autopsy:

full-autopsy:

I freaking love this panel because holy frag, Wing… how strong ARE YOU?!

Though now that I think about it, this does present a magnificent opportunity for an “I trust him as far as I can throw him” joke somewhere.

(And Drift’s adorable little surprise lines. “but you’re tiny HOW DID YOU EVEN…?!!?!”)

#wife-throwing competition

A NEW CHALLENGER APPEARS

I think Wing wins (WOW try typing that five times fast) this one though…

Peanut oh my go d

WAIT WAIT I GOT ONE I GOT ONE

PEANUT